I remember the last day I preraced. It was cold, I was done with an AP test, and I was alone. That last part made it hard to run. I had almost never preraced alone. The cold air and the fact that this was probably the final one I would ever do lay heavy in my mind. I cried for many reasons, and I wish I could go back and run just one more practice as a high schooler. Any practice whether it be the hardest or the easiest, but just one more. That’s all I want.
For once I stood up for myself. I done good. The image of your face right before I walked away will be there for a while, and I’ll never know exactly what you thought. Who knows what happens now.
It’s nice to have my friend back. It’s like drinking a good cup of coffee. One with substance, flavor, and lots of caffeine. I’m happy.
I’ve felt like I’ve been at the end of an amazing run for the past months. It’s like when you’re running a great pace and then you realize that you now have to sprint these last meters. It may only be 100 meters, but be damn aware they’re not easy. For me, these hundred meters have been elongated and my lungs have been grasped by sharp, unrelenting claws. I’m almost at the end, but I know there’s another race to follow. I’m not sure I can run another race; I’m through.
It was better there. Worries didn’t exist except those of deciding what to eat or see. I just wish it would have lasted longer. I miss my friends and music.
"The mountain is calling and I must go." -John Muir
If only I could obey the call. I would get away for a little bit. Things would be easier out there.
All I really need is a break. Work and school are running me to the ground and I’m having trouble keeping up now. A couple days in the dewy mountains with my friends would be nice. We would talk and laugh and huddle together to keep warm around a fire. Just a couple days…that’s all I want because I miss my runners, musicians, and those I can call cows because we’re that close. Just give me two days and I can plow out another four months of this cycle of school and work.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Every time I sit in my car I wonder if you would have thought it was nice. I wonder if you would have liked the seats, the color, or the speed. I can’t wonder anymore. You’ve moved on and I wish you wouldn’t have. I wanted to take you to that place I found in the mountains. I wanted to talk to you for hours about everything. But no more can I fantasize about that day because it’ll probably never come. When I think about what happened it’s like remembering that you forgot to do your homework when you’ve gotten to class; it’s too late to do anything about it.
I keep wondering why it’s hard to breathe, but then I remember what happened. It’s like someone punched me in the stomach, and I’m still hurting long after you’ve walked away.